Dating Tips

What are the key dating tips for Baby Boomers and Generation Jonesers? Well, the first key is to look for things inside the person - things that go well beyond cosmetic appearances. That's not to say that appearance and physical chemistry aren't important - clearly they are, but at our age now, we know there is so much more to a solid relationship. Each of us will place greater or lesser importance upon certain qualities, but it seems like the most successful - and lasting - relationships we know have a lot of the following traits:

Dating Tips - the "Go" List

Common Spirituality - partners that share the same faith have the greatest chances for success, thereby avoiding the challenges and frustrations of one partner trying to convert the other from long-held beliefs.
Common Life Goals and Values - makes achieving them and celebrating them so much more meaningful.

Emotional Health - not given to temper, moodiness or addictions; a positive attitude day-in/day-out.
Communication through Words and Deeds - the ability to identify and relate to things said and done.
Social Skills - treats others outside the relationship, e.g., children, elders, neighbors, friends, coworkers, even pets, with kindness and respect.
Balance - personal goals and values are reasonably prioritized according to importance, but with no obsessions.
Common Interests - pursuit of objectives, projects and activities that give joy and satisfaction to each partner.
Intellect - mutual interest, thought and conversation given to issues of the day, providing stimulation for each partner and respect for opposite opinions, thereby avoiding arguments.
Connection - each partner can look the other in the eye with comfort.
Passion - zest for getting up each morning and appreciating the results each day.
Contentment - satisfaction and happiness with things accomplished and place in life; realizing happiness is an attitude that comes from within.
Sincerity - asking "how do you feel?" and caring about the answer.
Pride - wanting to look their best but without obsession.
Respect - boundaries are set and understood.
Non-aggression - acceptance and patience with others.
Sense of Humor - ability to laugh and have fun with others, but not at the expense of others.
Ethics - sense of fair play and rules to live by, at home and work and all places in between.
Energy - getting off the couch and putting words into action each day.
Touch - touching another person is gentle and sincere, matching the situation at hand.

Dating Tips - the "No" List

Just as the above items might be considered the "go signs" for successful dating, we also know there are stop signs. In fact, we can easily take the above line-up and look for the opposites, as things to avoid:

Little or Nothing in Common - dissimilar interests in spirituality, life goals and values, and daily activities.
Dishonesty - lying or misrepresenting one's background to enhance dating prospects; a likely harbinger of things even worse.
Self-Control Issues - given to temper or outright anger, moodiness, abusiveness or addictions.
Incommunicable - unable to relate and talk things through.
Rudeness/Sarcasm - treating all others shabbily, without regard for feelings or well-being, or finding humor at the expense of others.
Obsessions - one or more areas of life out of balance with all others.
No Meeting of the Minds - each partner has a different level of intellect and/or a different set of interests, making conversation difficult; no stimulation.
No Eye Contact - uncomfortable for any reason looking their partner in the eye.
No Passion/Energy for Life - a couch potato.
Discontent - unhappy with their life position or circumstances, casting a negative light on prospects and possibly wanting to blame others.
Insincerity/Selfishness - more interested in their own well-being than any others.
Lack of Pride - little or no interest in their appearance, even when with their partner.
Disrespectful - unaware and not caring about boundaries set; little or no regard for the feelings of others.
Aggressive - exerting pressure, wanting to show dominance or superiority over others through any means; touching others roughly.
Unethical - willing to cheat or deceive to achieve their desires.
Needy - believing that their happiness can only be achieved being with another.
Secretive - unwillingness or discomfort in talking about any parts of their past, going beyond natural shyness or humility.

Dating Tips - Conclusion

Sensitivity to the feelings of another is still absolutely essential. During our more "traditional dating years", i.e., teens and even pre-teens, we all remember wondering - and worrying - about possible hurt feelings and what our date might think of us. Did we say and do the right things? Well, being mindful of the above just may relieve a lot of our anxieties!

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